


It Was All My Fault

by malecxrune



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Gen, Max Lightwood Dies, Post-Max Lightwood's Death, Sizzy - Freeform, Why Did I Write This?, sad Izzy, sizzy angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-08 00:17:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11070069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malecxrune/pseuds/malecxrune
Summary: Isabelle Lightwood discovers that her son, Jordan, can talk to her little brother Max. She remembers his death and becomes an emotional mess but her husband Simon is there to comfort her.





	It Was All My Fault

**Author's Note:**

> *WARNING: Major spoiler from the City of Glass*

Izzy walked over to her son Jordan’s room and opened the door to see Jordan talking to an imaginary friend. She was used to such behavior, since Jordan was always shy which made it hard for him to make friends, so he made up imaginary ones.

“Hey buddy, its time for bed,” Izzy walked over to Jordan, kneeling down to brush his curly brown hair away from his face. Jordan looked up to meet Izzy’s warm gaze, his bright hazel eyes clearly distracted by something.

“But Max still wants to talk,” Jordan said with an exaggerated pout on his face. The name reminded Izzy of her younger brother who died when he was only 9; a wave of sadness washed over her.

“Well, you can talk to M-Max in the morning,” Izzy never stuttered, unlike Alec, but when she did it was because she was overwhelmed with emotions. She ushered Jordan to his bed, putting the fuzzy _Star Wars_ blanket over his body.

“Hm. Max says he has the same last name as you,” Izzy’s mind short-circuited, as her entire body froze. Time seemed to stop completely.

“Mommy, are you ok?” Jordan looked at Izzy with a concerned stare, waiting for an answer, but Izzy was unable to form a complete sentence. All she could think about was her little brother, who would have been 19 if he were still alive. _It was all my fault, I wasn’t there for him._

“Goodnight.” She uttered, promptly walking away from her confused son and shutting the door. She was on the verge of tears, and now that Jordan didn’t see her she allowed herself to break down. Strong, independent Isabelle Lightwood, bawling on the hallway floor, her makeup running down her cheeks. She ran her fingers through her hair and leaned her head against the wall as an audible sob escaped her throat. Her throat felt raw and her eyes burned, as more memories of Max came to her. Max, earning his first rune, a bright smile on his young face. Max, watching Izzy practice her fighting skills, eyes twinkling with admiration. Max, cold and lifeless on the floor, clutching the toy soldier Jace gave him. Izzy heard footsteps nearing, soft thuds against the hardwood floor. A blurred figure, barely visible through tears, appeared in the hallway.

“Izzy, oh my gosh, what’s wrong?” Simon knelt down on the floor and pulled Izzy into a hug. She sobbed into Simon’s strong shoulder, the fabric of his shirt becoming increasingly wetter with Izzy’s tears. They stayed like that for a few minutes, until Izzy’s breath steadied and she was calm enough to form actual words. She pulled back, becoming instantly colder as the warmth of Simon’s body left her.

“Jordan was talking to my little brother, Max. All this time I thought he was talking to his imaginary friend, but then he said that Max has the same l-last name as me and – “ All the emotions crashed into Izzy at once, and she crumbled once again, gripping Simon’s arms. Simon never saw Izzy this vulnerable, so he felt a bit out of place when he saw her in the hallway, mascara smudged under her eyes and hair a mess; nevertheless, he held her tightly without saying a word.

“C’mon, let’s get you to bed,” Simon got up slowly, holding Izzy against his chest. Izzy’s legs struggled to hold her up, but she stood up anyways. They made eye contact, Simon looking down at Izzy with a comforting gaze as he smiled encouragingly. She let out a small smile; her emotions seemed to calm down. Simon lead Izzy down to their bedroom, his arm hugging her shoulders. Izzy wiped her eyes with the back of her hand as she sat down on the bed beside her husband. Suddenly, Jordan ran into the room, eyes wide.

“Mommy, it wasn’t not your fault. Max woke me up, and told me to tell you that it wasn’t your fault.” For the second time that day, Izzy broke down, but this time in front of her son. Tears immediately started streaming down her face as she pressed into Simon, the warmth of his body comforting her.

Jordan bit his lip and began slowly edging away from the bedroom, eyebrows scrunched in confusion. _Was Max mommy’s little brother, and is she sad because he died?_ Questions swarmed Jordan’s mind as he went back to bed.

“Shh, its ok, its ok,” Simon whispered, hugging Izzy. He knew that Izzy blamed herself for Max’s death, but he wasn’t aware that Isabelle Lightwood, one of the bravest shadowhunters he knows, could just break down into tears over Max.

They stayed like that for a while, Simon's arms wrapped around Izzy, the pain slowly dissolving.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I know this was super sad, but I wanted to explore Izzy's vulnerability towards Max's death, since she's usually seen as strong and fierce.


End file.
